These dramatic feathered robes are the perfect visual for communicating exactly where you’re at right now
In some kind of horrifying twist on Groundhog’s Day, millions of Americans have lived life largely in the confines of their own homes for much of this dumpster fire year — and largely in what can be generously termed as “leisure wear.” Not only are people probably tired of wearing the same hole-y leggings and ratty t-shirts every day, they’re probably also teetering on the very edge of sanity. I certainly fit that description and that’s why I’ve decided to spend the rest of this godforsaken hellscape year wearing a sheer, feathered robe like ladies on 1980s soap operas. I mean, why the fuck not? Literally nothing is stopping me and my family should know precisely where I’m at these days.
If you’re bored of the monotony too, might as well get the mail in a cloud of drama and intrigue. Show up on your kid’s Zoom class meeting with an air of “I may have just committed a crime or paid someone else to do the crime.” You’ve earned it.
Make yourself a hot topic among the series of Prime delivery guys walking up to your house where you stare ominously through the window in your new uniform — is she a rich, mysterious lady hiding a terrible secret or an average 40-year-old woman who’s simply lost her entire shit?
Give off major “walking down my marble staircase to greet the police about my rich old husband’s suspicious death” vibes.
Ooooo or do it in black to really drive home that you’re a force to be reckoned with.
Or channel Frank Shirley’s wife on Christmas Vacation seeing as it’s officially the holiday season and all. Fur coat optional but recommended if you’re going to rescue your kidnapped husband from his employee’s deranged but well-meaning cousin in the frigid cold.
Even if you’re pregnant there’s a feathered robe look for you. I don’t know how I’d feel about donning something fully sheer and see-through while leaking various fluids and popping a new stretch mark every five minutes, but hey, do you.
If you plan on actually leaving the house for some reason, do it in this fancy confection that still conveys your current mental state in all caps while covering the parts that might get you arrested if you revealed them in public.
The world is your sheer, feathered oyster.
Terrify your family and give the neighbors something to talk about because WTF else do you have to do?
The post Wearing This Feathered Robe Daily Is A Good Way To Say, ‘Yes, I’ve Lost It’ appeared first on Scary Mommy.