I don’t know about you, but by the end of the day — especially when my kids were really tiny — I am all touched out. Though the idea of getting off via sex is appealing, the last thing I want to consider is one more fucking person’s feelings, wants, and desires. I just want to be left in peace and if that peace is enhanced by an orgasm, who am I to argue?
Plus, let’s be real. No shade to my husband — I’m just a helluva lot more efficient. I want to get my kit off and then get on with my life already. If I’m being totally honest, masturbation makes everything better. It’s the perfect nightcap, the perfect start to a morning, and the perfect reset in the middle of a shitty day.
Lock the door (and make yourself comfortable)
Nothing ruins the vibe like fear — unless you’re into that — so set the mood in the way that you prefer, secure the door so you don’t have to worry about being interrupted, and get to feeling yourself.
WAP, WAP, WAP
Ok. This may seem elementary — but don’t discount lube. People with vaginas often produce their own lubrication when aroused, but sometimes, you may need a little assist. Plus, added lubrication can increase sensation as well as makes insertion easier.
Make sure you spot test a bit on your skin to check for irritation and use the right lube for the right toy so that your materials don’t decompose. For silicone toys, use oil- or water-based lubes and avoid silicone-based ones because they can degrade silicone toys. For latex toys, use water- or silicone-based lubes because oil-based ones will break them down. And when all else fails, nothing like spit: the universal solvent.
Play with a new toy
Whether you like something buzzy, something penetrative — or both (I mean, why not both?) — there is a sex toy for you. Thanks to the coronavirus keeping folks home, sex toy sales have boomed and you should get in on that action.
Check out some porn
Gone are the days when pornography catered to the male gaze. Thanks to the internet, erotic videos centering women, nonbinary, and trans points of views exist and thrive. Remember Rule 34: if it exists, there’s porn about it! Search for what turns you on, watch it, and enjoy yourself.
Stimulate your lit
Settle in with your favorite romance novel, erotica book, or fan fiction, and get in the mood with sexy words. You might even discover some kinds of sex that you’d like to explore more in person!
Have you heard of eargasms?
We’ve talked about the visual and the wordplay, but what about the audio? There are entire ASMR outlets where you can listen to folks please themselves or others. The lack of visual stimulation and only focusing on the voice and the different breadth of sounds emitted in sex can be incredibly arousing.
Capture yourself on film
No, you don’t need an OnlyFans account (not that there’s anything wrong with that) to film yourself. Something about the seeming taboo of filming a sexual activity — whether for your personal consumption or to share — can enhance your one on one time.
Location, location, location
Who says you can only masturbate in bed? Switch it up — try the bathtub, in the shower, or in the car (make sure to be careful and don’t break local laws).
Your body is a wonderland
Remember, you have an entire body full of erogenous zones — it’s not just about your underparts! Explore those areas and who knows? Maybe you’ll find a new favorite!
Push yourself to the edge
Along with taking the time to explore your entire body’s pleasure points, take your time. See if you can bring your body to the knife edge of orgasm and stop. Then do it all over again. When you finally do come, the orgasm will be stronger and more powerful.
Don’t stop at the Big O
Many of us have been trained to stop once we reach orgasm — but who said we have to? Try touching other parts of your body as you ride out the high — or try continuing through the overstimulation if you can. You just might be capable of multiple orgasms — but even if you don’t come again, the extra touch is just as lovely to float away on.
After-care is paramount
Don’t forget to pee after your self-love session. No one enjoys a UTI and if your time involves any penetration of any kind (vaginal or anal), you run an increased chance passing bacteria from your anus to your vagina — which could lead to an infection.
Give yourself time to marinate in all that oxytocin and serotonin. Luxuriate a bit and let your mind blank or even take a nap. After all, what’s the point of relieving all that stress only for it to pick back up again?